Wake Boarding
As a birthday celebration for Clifford (a friend), the 3 of us (Michele, Clifford and myself) went on a wake-boarding adventure…. which turned out to be an absolutely fun water sport… something that we would consider doing again.. 
Each of us spend on an average of 40 mins in the water learning how get out of water with the board attached to our feet and to start wake boarding~something like surfing… and we ended the day with aching muscles but we thoroughly enjoyed ourselves… Personally i had some trouble trying to get out of the water when the boat started the pulling… i had trouble getting out of the water and onto the board to start surfing… but on the final try that i had, i managed (with the advice of our instructor and Clifford, who turned out to be the best amongst us) to get onto the board and to start surfing…. the adrenaline rush was powerful… and exhilarating… i was probably up for about half a min.. but it was the best half a min in the whole experience.. needless to say…
While i was thinking about the whole effort of getting out of the water and onto our feet (board), i realized that the one important thing i had to do was to keep my back rigid and straight… and once i did that, i was up and above the water, surfing… i guess in life, when u are buried under ur troubles, u have to be strong.. and stay strong.. just like keeping ur back up and straight.. and never give up.. we tried so many times to get onto the board but none of us gave up.. and we were rewarded at the end of it… it was definitely worth it…
I just kinda saw a parallel between learning to wake board and life in general… like i was telling Michelle yesterday (i was just thinking about last year in April) i feel like all of us have come a long way… it was either sink or swim for me during those difficult days… and i guess i stayed afloat, even if i didn’t quite manage keep afloat all the time.. but i definitely had a lot of help… i had friends who would throw me a float whenever i was close to drowning…
I would definitely go back to wake boarding again… and this time, hopefully i can stay on my board a little longer… =)
Now i shall rest my aching arms and but i do know that the ache will increase in intensity tmr morning when i get up.. but like i said, it was worth it!!
Add a comment April 22, 2011
Weekend~Photography and Other Stuff
I am beginning to treasure my weekends… i feel like it goes by too quickly and i don’t have enough time to do everything that i wanna do… and many a times, i wish that i had a long weekend… Friday nights, Saturdays and Sundays flies by in a blink of an eye…but i did spend some interesting time on Saturday this past weekend… i went to take pictures… i went to Sentosa to take pictures with a Nikkon D500.. a really amazing camera, and as i took pictures, i started to learn how to use the camera… and experimented with it. I took a couple of shots that i personally like (doesn’t mean they are good).. but i enjoyed taking them…
The one thing about the pictures i took is that it is void of human beings…. i took shots of an empty train, empty train station, empty walkway, etc…. and i liked them… the world, in those pictures was quiet… and there was no rush, no mass of people in a hurry to get somewhere… or to do something… in real life, i had to wait pretty long in some shots to get a picture of an empty place, for example, i took a picture of an empty escalator… that shot took me almost 20 mins… i had to wait for ppl to clear off…. but i totally enjoyed it… my next target is to take pictures in orchard road, when it is quiet.. i think that would take an even longer time… but i will look forward to tat… i also wanna take pictures of the beach… a quiet beach… =)
I realized that taking pictures is like reading a book for me… when i read, i am into the book and in my own world… while i was taking pictures tat day, i too was in my own world.. and totally enjoying myself… and for that night, i was happy, the “simple pleasures in life”…
However, the next day while looking at my pictures, i was unexpectedly caught in an emotion that i have been unable to shake ever since Sunday…. a deep seated sadness… i couldn’t quite place that sadness…. i am not going around with a long or sad face, neither am i not going on with the day to day activities in life.. i am in fact, being very normal… just this “thing” in my heart… this heaviness.. i can’t explain it to anyone, except the fact tat it is there… and it is uncomfortable… i think if i were able to explain it, it wouldn’t bother me so much…
On Sunday night, i met up with Michelle and Juls… @ Ice Cold Beer…. and amidst the chatting and catching up, i was constantly reminded of tat sadness when my heart hurt… however, i still had a good time… talking about their diving experience and all the interesting things they see underwater, and interesting ppl they meet on the dive itself… and it makes me look forward to the dive this weekend… =)
Add a comment April 4, 2011
Why?
i just felt the need to blog tonight.. although i can’t quite say what i feel like saying cuz everything is stuck in my heart… i can’t get it out…
The sense of disappointment i feel is too great to bear.. but yet, i should have been prepared for it.. after all, it has been 18 yrs…
If he could do tat to me 18 yrs ago, there is no reason why he can’t do tat again 18 yrs later… so i should be able to handle it, but i just can’t…
Sometimes i think back, if my family was normal and he did not just up and disappeared on me, would my life be different now? Most probably… i think i may not have gotten into so much shit in the first place.. and it is these shit that makes me who i am today… so how could he judge me based on wat i have become?
If i have become such a disappointment to him, shouldn’t he stop and think and maybe take some responsibility to wat i have become?
And wat have i become? Is it really tat bad? i look back on my life and yes, i may have made some life altering mistakes in my life but isn’t tat all part and parcel of wat life is all about? making mistakes and learning from them? I mean, i have to live with his mistakes and his choices in life so why can’t he live with mine?
I am not sure why i get so worked up over him but i guess he is part of my life and he had a huge part to play in bringing me into this world so i don’t really have a choice but to care.. to care enough to hurt, to cry…
I never really forgot him but i learned to live without him, so i guess i will have to continue on in life the same way, never forgetting but never having him too…
2 comments December 1, 2010
WORK/CUSTOMERS/THOUGHTS
i have been working for the past 2 weeks and it has been an experience for me… i have met so many different ppl and it is amazing to me tat no matter which part of the earth u come from, customers will be customers.. u have the friendly ones, the quiet one, the picky one, the easy going one, the high one, the nasty one…
Over all, i have met all of the above customers.. except the nasty one till today… she was just being bitchy.. i think she either woke up on the wrong side of the bed, or she had a quarrel with her boyfriend this morning.. or she just wanted to make things nasty so she go off in a huff after she did her nails without paying. I came so close to slapping her so i asked my “colleague” to take over for me… urgh!! oh well.. wat to do? once in a while u meet someone like tat.. and u remember that not all customers are nice.. a reminder to me…
Other than working, i have been working… i wake up at 750am in the morning, have my breakfast, go to work till 9pm or if it is a quiet day, than work till 7pm.. come home, eat dinner, do my exercises and sleep.. the routine everyday calms me down.. and keeps my thoughts at bay.. i didn’t want the thoughts to surface and swamp me before i am ready for them… the one set back about being here in the US is that there are no swimming pools readily available.. i wanna swim sooo bad but i can’t find a pool..
i know tat my recent post has been more a little void of emotions but i can’t seem to gather them and putting them into words.. so i end up closing most of the empty blogs before i could compose any sentence… every day i think of a thousand and one things to blog about but when i open my blog at night, i can’t write anything.. i feel like i have a block in my head..
doesn’t matter, i shall leave my thoughts to myself first.. and let them circle all they want in my head.. i am sure i will be able to get them all out one day..
Add a comment October 21, 2010
Trip to Canada
ok, i am back from Canada and it has been a tiring trip.. we went up to Montreal, than headed to Ottawa, than to Toronto and back to USA… alot of time spend on the bus.. up and down the bus.. and the tour guide is a chinese and can’t speak good english.. so she goes “ewerybody, prease make sure you have take all your berongings, and prease make sure you get back to the bus by elewen one five prease, thank you ewerybody.” Half the time i couldn’t understand half of what she is saying.. so i wander off alone to take pictures..
i took a whole lot of pictures.. and braved the cold weather many a times to do it… and i ended up with a split lip.. ouch.. the kind tat splits when ur lips are really dry and u can literally see the blood flowing… it is not nice.. my lips are still sore right now..
i saw the church of Notre Dame, the St Joseph Church (Second largest church, the largest is in Rome), saw the Olympic Stadium in Montreal… saw the swimming pool and missed swimming sooo much.. visited the Niagra Falls… beautiful sight… really really beautiful.. and magnificent.. took loads of pictures of it… Took a trip to The Thousand Islands, the Toronto Island.. and visited the Corning Museum of Glass and watched how they could blow glass into the shape they wanted… wow.. too many things.. and too many memories…
And right now i am about brain dead from all the travelling.. so i am gonna rest my brain for a bit and write more about it tomorrow.. from Atlantic City.. will be helping out my family friend at her nail shop.. which means another 2 hours bus ride.. arrrrrrghhhhhhh!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Add a comment October 8, 2010
In The Middle of The Night
some thoughts running through my mind is keeping me awake… and i have an early start tomorrow to head up to Canada.. it is funny but my dad seems more excited about the trip than me.. could be due to the fact tat i have been to Canada already.. but i remember when i went back to SG after Canada, i told myself tat i would visit Canada again if i get the chance to travel… cuz Canada is a very nice place.. almost like the states actually..
i guess i just need to ramble a little since i can’t seem to fall asleep… haiz…
i am beginning to miss Singapore.. haha.. little wonder… i remember i was in Canada for 2 weeks and i started missing Singapore.. same case scenerio again.. 2 weeks.. but although i miss Singapore i am not ready to go back yet.. not ready to face what i have to face if i go back.. plus i haven’t completed my task here.. my task would take up at least another month.. and i hope this home sickness would pass…
Alot of ppl think or commented tat when i get here to the US, i would definitely put on weight.. and become fat when i get back to SG…. well, i seem to have put on a little weight which is not really visible except when i weigh myself… i seem to have put on like maybe 1 pound.. or so.. but when i wear my clothes i still fit them.. perfectly.. so i am not sure where the weight went to..
Someone commented today that i looked different from the time i was in SG and now.. and i am thinking, i have only been here 2 weeks or so.. can’t be i have changed.. i looked at a picture my Dad took of me just this afternoon and i keep looking.. and i can’t see the difference.. maybe dressing cuz now i am wearing winter clothings, complete with jacket, scarf, gloves and boots… other than that, i don’t see much difference.. than i looked at the picture tat was taken of me the night i was flying off.. at the farewell party.. and in that picture i looked sad.. like in the eyes… could be due to the fact tat i was a little high on drinks… and the events of the previous few days.. all led up to the moment where i felt very much weighed down by it all… sad.. oh well..
i miss my dog, kikoh.. haiz… i wish someone could take a picture of him and send it to me.. i wonder if he misses me.. and if i know my dog well enough, i would say he definitely misses me… i also know he won’t forget me… tat is the marvelous things about dogs.. they would never hurt u, they would protect u, love u.. adore u even.. with no conditions… except that u love them back.. even if u didn’t love them as much as they love u, they are still fiercely loyal to u.. i hope he is not too lonely.. 
well, enough babbling i guess for the night.. i really should get to sleep.. it is already 1am in the morning.. and i think i need to wake up by 6am.. urgh.. not so good.. but at least i can sleep on the bus journey which would take about 8 hrs… sianz.. i hate travelling..
i will write about my trip to Canada when i get back..
Add a comment October 4, 2010
Whose Daughter Am I?
In Singapore..
Walks in the clinic with my Mom
Doctor (my mom’s boss): oh, is this Ur daughter?
Mom: oh no, this is my niece.
In USA…
Customer walks into the house for a haircut by my step mom
Customer: oh, is this Ur daughter?
Step mom: oh no, that is is my niece.
Customer: oh, but she looks so much like Ur husband (my Dad).
Step mom: Aiyo, niece mah, of cuz look like him….
Me (thinking): wow! I think I was picked up from the rubbish chute!
Add a comment October 2, 2010
Week 2 in USA~Reflections
Time seems relatively different here than in Singapore.. it could be due to the fact i wake up earlier and sleep earlier than i ever did in SG…. or the fact tat there is no night life here… my night life here is online… there is no where to go at night.. but for now i am happy to spend my night life online..
Today is the first day i am home the whole day with nothing to do since i arrived in USA… i got up at about 1030am.. ate my breakfast in bed… went online… ate my lunch in bed.. went online.. till now… the computer seems to be my life right now…
And yet i feel contented… with nothing to do at the moment… just lazing around and not having to answer to anyone… no one to ask me wat i am up to, no one to explain why i have nothing to do, nothing to report, to up date… just being myself and doing wat i feel like doing right now, which is nothing… while in SG, i felt like i couldn’t breathe with so many things crowding me, i now have the space tat i need right now..to just be myself… to recover… i guess…
i know tat this respite is not forever, sooner or later, i will have to get my ass up and move forward to face the real world again… i know tat i can’t push it away for too long… i know that there are things that require my attention, answers than needs answering to… and all i can do is pray tat this time i have for myself will help me, give me the strength i need to face all of these…
i look back on the last 2 weeks of my life in SG before i flew here and i realized how screwed up things were… i was “fighting the battle from too many fronts”, once again, i am borrowing this phrase… i was here, there, everywhere… trying to please everyone, including family and friends and stretching myself way too thin… little wonder i broke down the night i was flying off.. i know sometimes things seems dramatic in my life… and i wish things could be peaceful… and for once, i am getting the peace.. for a while at least…
I guess this trip is like a restart button for me… also a time to reflect on myself, my life, my wrongs and everything else.. i have had so much time to reflect on myself and there are several conclusions i came to…
1. i am a man-pleaser… which simply means, that i try not to offend ppl, due to the fact that i needed to feel accepted… i feel like i need ppl’s approval on me, so tat i can feel good about myself… when in actual fact, i don’t even feel good about myself… there is no self-confidence… i guess this is the hardest fact to admit to myself… but i came to a point where i know i have to be face up to it.. or i will forever be caught in this messy web….. i try too hard to please ppl, and i end up hurting myself… and ppl around me… which is really ironic if u think about it…
2. i don’t take care of myself… yes, i guess tat speaks volumes… i sleep late, wake up early for work.. can hardly stay awake while driving to work… and have nearly gotten into numerous accidents.. i smoke, way too much (probably due to the fact tat i am constantly stressed) and i don’t eat right… yes i am slim and all that, but it was an unhealthy slim… i think the only good thing to counter all these bad stuff is that i exercise… maybe a little too much as well, but at least i exercise…
3. i am essentially a selfish person… who isn’t? right? but sometimes, it is good to think about others for once.. not to worry too much about how this or that will affect my image, but how my actions might affect others… it seems a little contradicting even as i type this out but i can’t quite explain it the way i see in my mind and heart.. i care for others, yes, for a handful of close friends… for my family and am fiercely loyal, but i guess, deep down, there is a deep seated root of selfishness…
4. Greed… haha, greed for more of everything… which may not be a bad thing actually.. if i greed for the right things.. but somehow, i always greed for the wrong things and land myself in a situations where i don’t wanna be in….
5. Letting go when it is time to let go… i am not sure what this is due to.. but there is just this sentimental streak in me that fights to hold on to things that i know cannot and should not be held on to… and many a times, i know that letting go would be the right thing to do, but yet, i can’t seem to do it… i hang on with all my might.. and yet again, end up hurting myself and others…
all the above are hard facts for me to admit to.. but i have to face it sooner or later… and right now, i think tat if i can admit to my faults, i can change and be a better, stronger person.. i can’t change over night, but i know at least knowing my faults would help me slowly but surely change…
On lighter note: some of my friends have been asking me wat is life like over here for me.. well, basically, i wake up at about 730am, greeted with breakfast from my Dad, after which i would shower.. changed into “going out clothes” and than run errands with my Dad which could include towing the boat back home from the mechanic, or buying groceries, or apple picking or even just dropping stuff off at a friend’s house.. usually i am the one driving.. we would head home for lunch and if we have more stuff to do, we would do it, if not i would be at home, online again.. with an early night..
When i went to Atlantic City it was different… i still woke up early, like at 8 plus 9, eat breakfast, than go out shopping or sight seeing… than have buffet lunch or dinner with friends or relatives… than go back hotel and watch movies till sleep..haha.. quite a relaxed life style..
i have spend much time with my Dad in his home ground and seen the way he works, lives and behaves.. and i feel much much closer to him… with my mind now convinced that he does indeed care for me and want the best for me.. i see myself in him, which wouldn’t be strange since i am his daughter.. we work the same way, talk the same, eat the same even with the same interest and disinterest in the same food… for years, i wondered why i am so different from my cousins on my Mom’s side, who tend to be on the taller, bigger bones side… and now i know why, cuz i take after my Dad.. i am on the smaller, petite side.. i take after my Mom’s temper though.. since i now know my Dad doesn’t have much of a temper.. and i take after my Mom’s love of the arts and craft.. but i take after my Dad’s love for singing..
Thinking about all of these makes me feel kinda sad… wishing tat my parents were happily together.. however, i have grown up with their divorce in my life for way too long to let the sadness settle in.. it became more of a secret little wish that my family was perfect.. however, i count my blessings right now that, i still have both of them in my life, however far apart they may be from each other… and i now have the chance to live with my Dad, to spend time with him and watch him, to know tat my Dad is not the terrible monster i was brought up to believe… and most importantly, having lived without a Dad’s love for most of my life,. it is a sweet respite to feel that once again.. or maybe for the first time.. i am no longer that small little gal sitting on the sofa, beside the phone, waiting for my Dad to come and bring me out to play, but knowing he exist and that he cares for me is enough…
Add a comment September 30, 2010
Atlantic City
A beautiful City.. it is a little like Genting actually with all the casinos around… then there is the shopping… seems like all the branded stuff are on heavy discount… like Coach, DKNY, Nike, Guess, Adiddas, Converse, Calvin Klein, etc….
I didn’t gamble as i never liked gambling and i didn’t really wanna waste money on the tables, but i eat well there… like i have my standard 3 meals and all tat but the food there is good.. i had Alaska Crabs… delicious crabs… best part, it is a buffet so eat as much as u can.. i ate alot.. i had the best bagel there.. with cream cheese.. yummy… and i had buffet breakfast too.. hmm.. tat was definitely delicious… not to mention the buffet Chinese food… woo hoo.. every morning i check my stomach, and am relieved to see tat it is still flat with the muscles i was working on still clearly visible… so phew…
I saw Board Walk, the whole walkway is made out of wood, therefore, board walk.. i understand from the locals that there are many board walk in US… as long as there is a sea, there will be a board walk built… you can see ppl jogging along it… made me long to jog too, except for the fact i didn’t bring my jogging shoes there.
This is the second week tat i am in US.. it has taught me a couple of lessons…
First, peace can be found in the simple things in life…
Second, you don’t have to be rich to enjoy life…
Third, family is important…
Forth, knowing when to take a break is impt too…
I visited a relative’s nail salon at Atlantic City and had the pleasure of watching them work in a effort to try to learn something… i also had the priviledge to work on someone’s nails… after stopping for so long, it was unexpectedly enjoyable to pick up the tools of trade and work on someone’s nails again… it made my heart ache to remember what i had lost.. but it too gave me joy to work on nails again.. one of the their staff is going back to vietnam for 3 weeks, one week from now, so they asked me if i could fill in for her during those 3 weeks… and i happily agreed.. at least i know tat i haven’t lost my skills… if they asked me to help them out, that means i still possess the skills necessary to do customer’s nails…
Next week i will be heading up to Canada for about 4 days, and than after tat i would start work at the nail salon.. i guess me being me, i couldn’t stay “work-free” for too long…
I know my family here wishes tat i would decide to stay in US… i have hints from different ones of them telling me wat a great place US is and if i wanted to start a business, US would be a great place… but i know they are not giving me any pressure yet…
So for now, i will take things as they come.. enjoy whatever peace i can get now…
Add a comment September 29, 2010
Day 2~ Peace and Simplicity
today seems relatively less hectic… although i still woke up at 7am this morning… mze and Dad went to towed the boat from the repair shop home… and it was interesting to see how it was done.. after which he drove me to Macy… to shop.. he gave me 3 hours.. to shop… but if only he knew me better… i was done in under one hour… the mall was huge… but i guess i just wasn’t interested in shopping.. so he came back for me… than he drove me to Marshall’s, another mall.. where he told me to take my own time to find cheap, branded clothes… haha.. he dropped me outside Marshall’s and believe it or not, i didn’t even step into the mall… my gaze and attention was drawn to a nail shop a few meters away… i decided to get my nails done.. since i am in the US nand won’t get to my Muay Thai training anytime soon, i could beautify my nails now… so i went and got my nails done.. just in time before my Dad called.. when i got into the car, he went, “cannot find anything?” and i am like, “um, i didn’t go in” hahaha… and that is when he saw my nails…
When i got home, i decided to read… and about half an hour later, they announced dinner was ready.. so i went out the backyard and Dad had BBQ’ed beef (T-bone Steak) to perfection… with freshly picked cherry tomatoes… it was a simple affair to eat out in the back yard… with the dog for company… but somehow, my aching heart was soothed… and my thoughts were calmed for the first time in a long time… i looked out the back yard and saw the greens, some turned yellow as it is autume…. and i see the dog chasing squirrels up the trees… and me throwing the bone of the steak for the dog to eat… her name is Daniela.. very huge but pretty dog with brown eyes.. and made me miss KIKOH…
After dinner, i showered, and here i am in front of the computer again… i guess life is simple here.. and really peaceful… alot of ppl told me i would not be able to take the life style here…. but i guess alot of ppl don’t know the state of my mental well-being… not knowing that this is in fact wat i need.. some peace and quiet… and simplicity… i cannot say that i will forever love this life style.. but for now, this is sufficient for me… i am grateful for every sec of peace i have, and i am greedy for more secs of peace…
Add a comment September 23, 2010
